A delicate subject

For the world you are just one human being,

But for a certain person you are the world.

 
 
 
Every human is an universe (Cuban saying) and unique in his nature, his charisma and his appearance. But the most of the people think that everything is pretty when it is symmetric, harmonic or common. When the counterpart begins to speak, to use his facial expression and his gesture and he reveals something from his intellectual world, it comes to an overall impression.
 
The other beauty ideal
The ideal of a pretty, healthy and perfect human is reflected extensively via any kind of media. But many a person turns away in a bored way: Every excessive perfection stays often (because of its lack of individuality) superficial, exchangeable and remote from everyday life. But there are people who think that even a heavy discrepancy of the common beauty ideal is very attractive. People with disabilities arouse not only those people curiosity, but also a big fascination: The deformation or a missing arm or leg (and the outcome of this is asymmetry) is for those people very attractive, even key stimulus. Mancophilia* (amelotatism) is the in germany common name of this sexual preference which is mostly discovered by males (less by females) in their early childhood based on a coincidental meeting with an amputated person.
 
Prejudices and self reflection
Now starts the conflict with this predisposition which has an effect of the rest of the life: The thought of being highly attracted by something extraordinary like an amputation carries negative connotation. Its important to say that so called amelos (devotees) do not wish that people have to be amputated. They feel with them. But they think that amputated people are not only beautiful in a common way of thinking but also BECAUSE this amputation.
Modern media like the internet brings a certain help of information. But without a honest self reflection and acceptance this predisposition is a problem for the amelos. It can take ages till those persons have their “Coming Out”. During that time they have sexual relationships without fulfillment. Own feelings are denied and partners get hurt. In general public amelos are still confrontated with incomprehension and exclusion. Amelotatism is less a fetish with focus on lifeless objects than on bodyparts which are highly attractive. Seems like a perfect precondition for a relationship between an amelo and an amputated woman because of the special attractiveness, but its not that easy. Reality goes different ways.
The minority of the amelos reduce their couple on the handicap, but a lot of parameters complicate the relationship. The most of the amelos have some difficulties to admit their predisposition with all its consequences. Often they fear the higher strain to live together with a handicapped woman. At the other hand the woman with handicap must be very self confident and tolerant to accept the predisposition of her partner. If you take a look in several bulletin boards you may see that there is a lot of communication between amelos and people with handicap without the result of being able to have a relationship in reality.
 
 
Black sheep
Another important point to mention is that some of the amelos have the impulse to dominate the woman. Just like the slogan: full man, half woman. Such amelos even try to mortify their partners with handicap. Even though there is a high acceptance of amelotatism, maybe in some years comparable with homosexuality, it is highly important to read up a lot about amelotatism without being naïve, because there are some black sheep among the amelos, who try to reduce the handicapped woman as a sexual object without respecting them. What a pity for the rest of the honest amelos! Because of this black sheep they appear in a bad light and a lot of woman believe that this predisposition is pervert or result of a disease.
 
Being a couple like all the others?
Nevertheless there a lot of positive examples for good running relationships. They have the same problems like other “normal” relationships as well. That means, there have to be more common interests than the handicap and the amelotatism. The high erotic attraction decreases after the years.
Its more difficult to find erotic attractions for amelos than for “normal” men, who can find them easily in their everyday life. The search of amelos sometimes gets an obsessive touch because its way harder and time-consuming to get some information, pictures, movies or even a look at a real amputated woman. This “obsessive touch” is one reason why amelos often feel racked with guilt. For the handicapped woman its also hard to bear, because she sometimes challenges with the faithfulness, profundity or reliability in this relationship.
Another point: statistically speaking, the chances to find the right partner are not very good. There is a high amount of amelos and only a small number of woman with the specific handicap they look for. For the handicap-woman it is important to have a certain life experience and sovereignty for good-running relationship with an amelo. Especially in times right after the amputation or in life phases when they are still planning to have a family it is very hard to have a relation to an amelo. These are reasons why both sides often need decades to find the right partner. If the worst comes to the worst some amelos accept the situation and decide that they only can fulfill their predisposition in their fantasy. The result is a decreasing ability to have sexual relationships and the quality of life suffers permanently. Other parts of life like jobs or sports are getting more important to absorb the lack of a satisfying sexuality.
 
It works, after all
Some of the amelos, mostly the ones who have a strong personality, reach the point to find the perfect woman and for this reason they can “make peace” with their predisposition. In this case life becomes more rich and colourful.
And some of the handicapped woman find the required strength and serenity to see in the predisposition of an amelo something what enables a very close relationship and makes her feel as a desired human being.

Copyright: Monalisa Rosh



My special thanks for translating to Cecilia Stiebritz

 
*Definition of Mancophilia from Ilse Martin:
"The phenomenon of Mancophilia (from lat. homo mancus = disabled person and Greekphilia = friendship) is an attraction to disabilities, such as missing limbs (congenital or amputated), palsy or orthopaedic aids (prostheses or ortheses, crutches, braces). It can also mean an attraction to people with dysfunctions of the senses, such as deafness, blindness or speech disorders, which also includes lisping and stuttering.  It describes the affinity to persons with bodies with a physical deficit or deficiency."


More information about Mancophilia from Ilse Martin:
http://www.mancophilie.de/?ThesisLinks (6)
 

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